Going to weddings...

Wedding season is upon us.
I've been to two in the last two weekends...both beautiful and special in their own ways...both inspiring.


1) I was a date to a wedding and I hardly knew the bride, but man, was it amazing.
It was in the bride's backyard - her mother made her dress, and mutual friends acted as the band and the wedding photographer. She and her husband had one attendant each (a sister and a brother), who both wore what they wanted. The food was made by family and was amazing. The gift they sent us home with was a box of homemade truffles.

It made me feel so good to be there...a dance floor set up in the grass of a sweet backyard and the talents of friends as the gift.


2) My dear friend Jessica was married this past Saturday at The Thomas Bennett House in Charleston, SC.
It was a lavish affair - a tent, a DJ, friends and nice scotch everywhere...they even got a photo booth [the photo booth ROCKED - I hope we can have one even if it is a splurge...it was the BEST]. Jessica was beautiful walking down the isle with her father...and her husband Brent was beaming with a smile...
I read in their service - I was really nervous - but it all went ok.

Weddings.
Being involved in so much celebration was amazing, stressful, and eye-opening all at once. It made me realize what I want in a wedding...and it made me understand that everything I was piling on my wedding list in the beginning and everything I stripped away when I got stressed...well...it made me realize I don't have to get so uptight and anxious about a wedding! No matter what happens or where it is or what people eat...the reason for coming together is awesome. Family caterer or professional caterer...every bit of the ceremony and the party afterwards is about being with friends and family and loving each other.

After talking about weddings on Sunday, Bern and I have decided to go forth with a very small ceremony and a couple of casual receptions...it makes us both happy. More on that to come!

Smaller...more creative...better...

Bern and I are trying to come up with small, cheap, creative Midwestern places that would make a nice spot for a wedding and reception. If you have any ideas, send them my way!

* 2 years on Charleston, although life is feeling much more comfortable and settled.

taking back the money...

I am calling the Conservatory this week to get back our deposit.
It makes me sad, but it's just not the place for us. We can't afford the wedding we want...so...
we've decided to wait.

I'm pretty bummed with the move to Charleston. I miss the midwest more than I ever anticipated. Will I ever be satisfied?

The one amazing thing that happened with the move was my relationship with Bernhardt is even CLOSER than I ever imagined it could get - I realized that all I ever need is him. I've been so depressed with all the change - he's the one that keeps me going. We're going to be patient with life and figure out the wedding location slowly. We've planned on getting through this year and seeing where we really want to be - if our careers take us anywhere - if we feel right with SC. I'm in half a mind to pick up in a year and move somewhere else. You can't cram a wedding with my fickle moving whims.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-CHANGES?

A number of things have happened since I last wrote.

A big thing is that we found a catering company willing to work within our budget. "Food for Thought", a catering company in the city, has been the one place that has worked with our budget. Using plastic cutlery, putting seating up for only 50 guests, and allowing us the option of supplying our own alcohol has taken catering prices to something manageable.

BUT.

Bern and I are having different ideas...thinking of doing...something different. We know we only have around three months to figure this out. Any changes in location means getting deposits back and letting our band and vendors know. Right now, we still have time to dream and scheme and change things up. We don't have to get locked in tradition or buried in debt for a five hour party, which is what I think has been happening. For what we may spend on our wedding [and granted, it's less money than most people we know getting married, but still] we could take four amazing vacations or save to put down on a house or buy one season of clothing at Anthropologie:). Probably option two...hmmmmm.

My mind has gone back and forth this whole time of planning. I think we were so excited to be getting married in the beginning that we were jumping on each and every ship that happened by. Now that things have marinated, I feel back to square one, but in a good way. I look at my friends Claire and Greg, who were going the expensive Chicago route in the beginning and then had an amazing small ceremony on Cape Cod, as inspiration for what a wedding is really about. Check their first dance - I promise you'll cry with tears of delight.

Pressure?

I am in Chicago finishing up school through this Thursday and have been doing wedding stuff for the past week. My mom came into town to help (I will post some pictures once she sends them to me from the cake tasting and visiting the conservatory,) and now I am staying with my friend Claire who is also a bridesmaid.

(Bernhardt and Claire at her engagement party)

Claire and her fiance Greg are getting married this weekend in a small ceremony in Cape Cod. Before they decided on the small wedding, they were planning theirs for next year in Chicago. They ran into some of the same budget ordeals as Bern and I have, and this morning Claire and I were comparing notes and tearful confessions. She noted that moving to a new place brings about the same kind of tears and emotions as planning a wedding. Indeed. I have found myself feeling the same kind of tummy ache when it comes to missing friends and planning wedding details. What is it all about? Crying about a wedding feels really lame. And yet the tears come at such odd times over the strangest things.

Things I have cried about in the order I have wept:
1) Where will we get married?
2) Who will be ushers and how many to have?
3) Should we have a band or an i-pod DJ?
4) Is my mother happy I am getting married?
5) What on earth will we feed people?
6) Am I a good bride?
7) Do I have too many bridesmaids?
8) Will my dress be ok? Am I fat? Am I stylish?
(me, pretending to think)

(Bernhardt contemplates)

(our dog Belvedere conjures up a thought)


Um...writing this list is making me laugh. It's really silly! I'm sure Claire will give a grin later when I share this with her. It's just amazing how many emotions come out when planning this type of thing! I wonder if it has anything to do with the "little girl syndrome" I have...meaning, since I was a little girl, I have been imagining bits and pieces of what my wedding would be like. When I was 8, it was a lot like the "Material Girl" video sans all the pink (I have never been much of a pink fan). Now that it is all coming together and it is happening...well...I find myself over analyzing if I am planning it all "right".

(Bern's groomsman Paul's "emo pocket")

I feel good that I have hit a point where I can look at it all with less of a racing heart and more with the giggles. My cry list is so emo...in fact, it's not even as cool as "emo"...it's like, "YUPPIE EMO". It's "in two years I need a black baby stroller" EMO. It's "Vapid Emo". I don't want to be like that.

I can vow not to cry about little things, but I'm sure I will. In the meantime, I'm glad to have people around me to give that swift needed kick in the pants when called for.

(when Bern worked for Threadless, he modeled for the "Emo CareBear" shirt)

K.I.S.S.

Bernhardt was a marketing major.
When he was in college, one of his professors gave him this bit of advice about writing papers:
K.I.S.S.
Keep It Simple, Stupid.

I thought of this the other night at dinner.
Bernhardt and I MOVED TO CHARLESTON last Sunday (it is wonderful here) and family has been popping around to help us with the unpacking and the settling in...and the helping us eat at restaurants thing.

(us, two days before the move)
At dinner with B's parents, I went over the catering packet prices I have received since I started making calls...number to make your tummy drop. Everyone I have called has given us $14, 500" as the MINIMUM wedding cost. I have stressed our small budget, but no one has really listened. I think these companies believe that we will just ACCEPT the expensiveness of it all. However, we're not willing to go into debt for our wedding. It's SILLY. It's just a party.

As we went over the numbers, Bern's stepfather (Marty) said, "why don't you just have heavy appetizers?" and we stopped. We've been trying the "buffet" thing, but for the sake of an evening wedding and not being tacky, we've been trying to feed everyone a banquet meal. Sadly, we can't afford to do that. Instead, on our invitations, we are going to let everyone know we're just feeding them "heavy hors d'oeuvres". We're going to KEEP IT SIMPLE, STUPID.

There have been a few catering places that have not called me back when they heard my shoe-strings budget. I find that insulting. Not everyone planning a wedding is RICH - and I KNOW city companies want to make money, but still. The idea of THE MILK OF HUMAN KINDNESS in wedding catering should be out there. TEACHERS get married every day, OK? And we don't have doctor budgets, thank you very much. SO. I'm going to call every catering place on that park list (the district gives you 12 choices for caterers) and I'm just going to be very firm about the money situation. My phone calls in the beginning were a bit embarrassed of my small budget and I don't think I got across the importance of AFFORDABLE.

This time, firm K.I.S.S. planning is ON!

what is a wedding?

I'm starting to feel like I don't know how to be a bride. I am suddenly surrounded by friends getting married who just have it more together than I do. Granted, these couples I know are getting married months before Bern and I...is this all I'm down about? The fact that our wedding is 403 days away and I'm still not in that rung of time to start fretting or worrying about the BIG stuff?

In the beginning of planning, I wanted a simple wedding. Then my ideas got more lavish. Then they pared down. Now they just feel - - - empty. I talked with Bernhardt about this and he made me feel better - he says I've been "keeping up with the Jones' and that is getting [me] down". Funny...he's right.

It's amazing how women can compare themselves to others. I've found that I don't like bridal magazines or other "bridey" things because I feel low key, but I also feel this strange pull about a budget. Our budget is small. And I like that's it's small and very DIY...but in the world of weddings, everything out there is so BIG and American...and I start comparing myself to the bride books and to the other weddings going on around me...and then I start feeling like I need to be in step...I need to run to keep up...I don't necessarily need centerpieces for the reception tables...but I start to need more of everything else. I need to be "the best" and it simply shouldn't be about that.

It's time for me to mentally regroup and ask myself this question: What is a wedding?
I believe it is a celebration of love. Pure and simple.
And in that case...all I need is Bernhardt.

Nothing else.