Pressure?

I am in Chicago finishing up school through this Thursday and have been doing wedding stuff for the past week. My mom came into town to help (I will post some pictures once she sends them to me from the cake tasting and visiting the conservatory,) and now I am staying with my friend Claire who is also a bridesmaid.

(Bernhardt and Claire at her engagement party)

Claire and her fiance Greg are getting married this weekend in a small ceremony in Cape Cod. Before they decided on the small wedding, they were planning theirs for next year in Chicago. They ran into some of the same budget ordeals as Bern and I have, and this morning Claire and I were comparing notes and tearful confessions. She noted that moving to a new place brings about the same kind of tears and emotions as planning a wedding. Indeed. I have found myself feeling the same kind of tummy ache when it comes to missing friends and planning wedding details. What is it all about? Crying about a wedding feels really lame. And yet the tears come at such odd times over the strangest things.

Things I have cried about in the order I have wept:
1) Where will we get married?
2) Who will be ushers and how many to have?
3) Should we have a band or an i-pod DJ?
4) Is my mother happy I am getting married?
5) What on earth will we feed people?
6) Am I a good bride?
7) Do I have too many bridesmaids?
8) Will my dress be ok? Am I fat? Am I stylish?
(me, pretending to think)

(Bernhardt contemplates)

(our dog Belvedere conjures up a thought)


Um...writing this list is making me laugh. It's really silly! I'm sure Claire will give a grin later when I share this with her. It's just amazing how many emotions come out when planning this type of thing! I wonder if it has anything to do with the "little girl syndrome" I have...meaning, since I was a little girl, I have been imagining bits and pieces of what my wedding would be like. When I was 8, it was a lot like the "Material Girl" video sans all the pink (I have never been much of a pink fan). Now that it is all coming together and it is happening...well...I find myself over analyzing if I am planning it all "right".

(Bern's groomsman Paul's "emo pocket")

I feel good that I have hit a point where I can look at it all with less of a racing heart and more with the giggles. My cry list is so emo...in fact, it's not even as cool as "emo"...it's like, "YUPPIE EMO". It's "in two years I need a black baby stroller" EMO. It's "Vapid Emo". I don't want to be like that.

I can vow not to cry about little things, but I'm sure I will. In the meantime, I'm glad to have people around me to give that swift needed kick in the pants when called for.

(when Bern worked for Threadless, he modeled for the "Emo CareBear" shirt)

K.I.S.S.

Bernhardt was a marketing major.
When he was in college, one of his professors gave him this bit of advice about writing papers:
K.I.S.S.
Keep It Simple, Stupid.

I thought of this the other night at dinner.
Bernhardt and I MOVED TO CHARLESTON last Sunday (it is wonderful here) and family has been popping around to help us with the unpacking and the settling in...and the helping us eat at restaurants thing.

(us, two days before the move)
At dinner with B's parents, I went over the catering packet prices I have received since I started making calls...number to make your tummy drop. Everyone I have called has given us $14, 500" as the MINIMUM wedding cost. I have stressed our small budget, but no one has really listened. I think these companies believe that we will just ACCEPT the expensiveness of it all. However, we're not willing to go into debt for our wedding. It's SILLY. It's just a party.

As we went over the numbers, Bern's stepfather (Marty) said, "why don't you just have heavy appetizers?" and we stopped. We've been trying the "buffet" thing, but for the sake of an evening wedding and not being tacky, we've been trying to feed everyone a banquet meal. Sadly, we can't afford to do that. Instead, on our invitations, we are going to let everyone know we're just feeding them "heavy hors d'oeuvres". We're going to KEEP IT SIMPLE, STUPID.

There have been a few catering places that have not called me back when they heard my shoe-strings budget. I find that insulting. Not everyone planning a wedding is RICH - and I KNOW city companies want to make money, but still. The idea of THE MILK OF HUMAN KINDNESS in wedding catering should be out there. TEACHERS get married every day, OK? And we don't have doctor budgets, thank you very much. SO. I'm going to call every catering place on that park list (the district gives you 12 choices for caterers) and I'm just going to be very firm about the money situation. My phone calls in the beginning were a bit embarrassed of my small budget and I don't think I got across the importance of AFFORDABLE.

This time, firm K.I.S.S. planning is ON!

what is a wedding?

I'm starting to feel like I don't know how to be a bride. I am suddenly surrounded by friends getting married who just have it more together than I do. Granted, these couples I know are getting married months before Bern and I...is this all I'm down about? The fact that our wedding is 403 days away and I'm still not in that rung of time to start fretting or worrying about the BIG stuff?

In the beginning of planning, I wanted a simple wedding. Then my ideas got more lavish. Then they pared down. Now they just feel - - - empty. I talked with Bernhardt about this and he made me feel better - he says I've been "keeping up with the Jones' and that is getting [me] down". Funny...he's right.

It's amazing how women can compare themselves to others. I've found that I don't like bridal magazines or other "bridey" things because I feel low key, but I also feel this strange pull about a budget. Our budget is small. And I like that's it's small and very DIY...but in the world of weddings, everything out there is so BIG and American...and I start comparing myself to the bride books and to the other weddings going on around me...and then I start feeling like I need to be in step...I need to run to keep up...I don't necessarily need centerpieces for the reception tables...but I start to need more of everything else. I need to be "the best" and it simply shouldn't be about that.

It's time for me to mentally regroup and ask myself this question: What is a wedding?
I believe it is a celebration of love. Pure and simple.
And in that case...all I need is Bernhardt.

Nothing else.

The dress.

[Julie draws my wedding dress at her "Dame Couture"]

The time has come for many things...
For cabbages and...wedding dresses?

This past weekend, Bernhardt and I took a trip to Julie Fehler and Holly Greenhagen's store Dame Couture.
http://www.damecouture.com/

"Our wedding dresses combine retro details with modern lines, for a fresh take on bridal. And if you don’t see exactly what you like on the rack, we’re happy to customize a style or start from scratch. We love to come up with that one detail that makes your dress perfect for you." (Fehler and Greenhagen, About Dame Couture).

PRICE:
"Prices for our styles range from $1,600 to $5,000, with many dresses around $2,200. Custom designs start at $2,000."
SO...it's budget friendly! And think! It's a dress made just for you! Amazing!

As you can tell by the little smirk on Bernhardt's face, we had a fantastic time - I tried on lots of samples, we drank sparkling water, and Julie made us feel...well, happy and special...the way you're SUPPOSED to feel when buying a wedding dress!

How the first fitting works: (my experience)
I really want to go with a vintage inspired theme in my dress...something 50's inspired...something...something...yeah. I think I said "something" a lot, but she was totally cool about it. First, Julie showed Bern and I different samples and fabrics. We picked dresses that had attributes that I fancied. I brought in my own little vintage party dress and showed her the aspects I loved about it. Then, I tried on lots of stuff...seeing myself in all of those different dresses was interesting. Some were totally not flattering and some fit like magic. Bernhardt said he got a little misty and really excited seeing me come out of the dressing room with all of those gowns on.

(me talking about dress stuff...with my elbow)
After I tried on all the dresses, we sat down with Julie and talked about what we all really liked. Julie took everything to heart and made a sketch. We left on a high note...and I've been thinking about things for a few days. I am going back again on May 17th to tweak the idea...but I know we have a winner. I'd post the sketch, but I want it all to be a surprise!

*a note - lots of people think it's bad luck for the groom to have anything to do with the wedding dress before the bride has it on. Granted, I want the final product to be a surprise, but I seriously trust Bernhardt's eye. I wanted him to go to the first fitting because he's my most trusted confidant. Plus, I refuse to believe in bad luck (chainletter people be damned!). But now he has to wait until next year to see the rest of the dress, just like everyone else!

Shout out to Claire!

My dear sweet friends Claire (a bridesmaid) and Greg are ENGAGED!

If you have a glass in hand, please raise it to the best couple in the land!
And read their blogs!

Claire:
http://lifeinla.typepad.com/chicago

Greg:
http://www.gregboose.com/
http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/

Together now:
http://shewrotehewrote.com/

Read for George, please.

Please follow the internet to the following locations...

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/jacketcopy/2008/04/at-his-mid-day.html

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/jacketcopy/2008/04/sympathy-for-al.html

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/jacketcopy/2008/04/eli-horowitz-ma.html

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/jacketcopy/2008/04/unconventional.html


My lovely is a fine writer.

maids on the streets.

*we had a nice night of sushi and talk - we decided J.Crew was totally the way to go for bridesmaid dresses...I WAS sort of hashing the idea of an all vintage wedding, but with having so many people out of town, I think the neat and cleans lines juxtaposed with the idea of an "online buy" is the way to go...

Check out their line here:
www.jcrew.com