Going to weddings...

Wedding season is upon us.
I've been to two in the last two weekends...both beautiful and special in their own ways...both inspiring.


1) I was a date to a wedding and I hardly knew the bride, but man, was it amazing.
It was in the bride's backyard - her mother made her dress, and mutual friends acted as the band and the wedding photographer. She and her husband had one attendant each (a sister and a brother), who both wore what they wanted. The food was made by family and was amazing. The gift they sent us home with was a box of homemade truffles.

It made me feel so good to be there...a dance floor set up in the grass of a sweet backyard and the talents of friends as the gift.


2) My dear friend Jessica was married this past Saturday at The Thomas Bennett House in Charleston, SC.
It was a lavish affair - a tent, a DJ, friends and nice scotch everywhere...they even got a photo booth [the photo booth ROCKED - I hope we can have one even if it is a splurge...it was the BEST]. Jessica was beautiful walking down the isle with her father...and her husband Brent was beaming with a smile...
I read in their service - I was really nervous - but it all went ok.

Weddings.
Being involved in so much celebration was amazing, stressful, and eye-opening all at once. It made me realize what I want in a wedding...and it made me understand that everything I was piling on my wedding list in the beginning and everything I stripped away when I got stressed...well...it made me realize I don't have to get so uptight and anxious about a wedding! No matter what happens or where it is or what people eat...the reason for coming together is awesome. Family caterer or professional caterer...every bit of the ceremony and the party afterwards is about being with friends and family and loving each other.

After talking about weddings on Sunday, Bern and I have decided to go forth with a very small ceremony and a couple of casual receptions...it makes us both happy. More on that to come!

Smaller...more creative...better...

Bern and I are trying to come up with small, cheap, creative Midwestern places that would make a nice spot for a wedding and reception. If you have any ideas, send them my way!

* 2 years on Charleston, although life is feeling much more comfortable and settled.

taking back the money...

I am calling the Conservatory this week to get back our deposit.
It makes me sad, but it's just not the place for us. We can't afford the wedding we want...so...
we've decided to wait.

I'm pretty bummed with the move to Charleston. I miss the midwest more than I ever anticipated. Will I ever be satisfied?

The one amazing thing that happened with the move was my relationship with Bernhardt is even CLOSER than I ever imagined it could get - I realized that all I ever need is him. I've been so depressed with all the change - he's the one that keeps me going. We're going to be patient with life and figure out the wedding location slowly. We've planned on getting through this year and seeing where we really want to be - if our careers take us anywhere - if we feel right with SC. I'm in half a mind to pick up in a year and move somewhere else. You can't cram a wedding with my fickle moving whims.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-CHANGES?

A number of things have happened since I last wrote.

A big thing is that we found a catering company willing to work within our budget. "Food for Thought", a catering company in the city, has been the one place that has worked with our budget. Using plastic cutlery, putting seating up for only 50 guests, and allowing us the option of supplying our own alcohol has taken catering prices to something manageable.

BUT.

Bern and I are having different ideas...thinking of doing...something different. We know we only have around three months to figure this out. Any changes in location means getting deposits back and letting our band and vendors know. Right now, we still have time to dream and scheme and change things up. We don't have to get locked in tradition or buried in debt for a five hour party, which is what I think has been happening. For what we may spend on our wedding [and granted, it's less money than most people we know getting married, but still] we could take four amazing vacations or save to put down on a house or buy one season of clothing at Anthropologie:). Probably option two...hmmmmm.

My mind has gone back and forth this whole time of planning. I think we were so excited to be getting married in the beginning that we were jumping on each and every ship that happened by. Now that things have marinated, I feel back to square one, but in a good way. I look at my friends Claire and Greg, who were going the expensive Chicago route in the beginning and then had an amazing small ceremony on Cape Cod, as inspiration for what a wedding is really about. Check their first dance - I promise you'll cry with tears of delight.

Pressure?

I am in Chicago finishing up school through this Thursday and have been doing wedding stuff for the past week. My mom came into town to help (I will post some pictures once she sends them to me from the cake tasting and visiting the conservatory,) and now I am staying with my friend Claire who is also a bridesmaid.

(Bernhardt and Claire at her engagement party)

Claire and her fiance Greg are getting married this weekend in a small ceremony in Cape Cod. Before they decided on the small wedding, they were planning theirs for next year in Chicago. They ran into some of the same budget ordeals as Bern and I have, and this morning Claire and I were comparing notes and tearful confessions. She noted that moving to a new place brings about the same kind of tears and emotions as planning a wedding. Indeed. I have found myself feeling the same kind of tummy ache when it comes to missing friends and planning wedding details. What is it all about? Crying about a wedding feels really lame. And yet the tears come at such odd times over the strangest things.

Things I have cried about in the order I have wept:
1) Where will we get married?
2) Who will be ushers and how many to have?
3) Should we have a band or an i-pod DJ?
4) Is my mother happy I am getting married?
5) What on earth will we feed people?
6) Am I a good bride?
7) Do I have too many bridesmaids?
8) Will my dress be ok? Am I fat? Am I stylish?
(me, pretending to think)

(Bernhardt contemplates)

(our dog Belvedere conjures up a thought)


Um...writing this list is making me laugh. It's really silly! I'm sure Claire will give a grin later when I share this with her. It's just amazing how many emotions come out when planning this type of thing! I wonder if it has anything to do with the "little girl syndrome" I have...meaning, since I was a little girl, I have been imagining bits and pieces of what my wedding would be like. When I was 8, it was a lot like the "Material Girl" video sans all the pink (I have never been much of a pink fan). Now that it is all coming together and it is happening...well...I find myself over analyzing if I am planning it all "right".

(Bern's groomsman Paul's "emo pocket")

I feel good that I have hit a point where I can look at it all with less of a racing heart and more with the giggles. My cry list is so emo...in fact, it's not even as cool as "emo"...it's like, "YUPPIE EMO". It's "in two years I need a black baby stroller" EMO. It's "Vapid Emo". I don't want to be like that.

I can vow not to cry about little things, but I'm sure I will. In the meantime, I'm glad to have people around me to give that swift needed kick in the pants when called for.

(when Bern worked for Threadless, he modeled for the "Emo CareBear" shirt)

K.I.S.S.

Bernhardt was a marketing major.
When he was in college, one of his professors gave him this bit of advice about writing papers:
K.I.S.S.
Keep It Simple, Stupid.

I thought of this the other night at dinner.
Bernhardt and I MOVED TO CHARLESTON last Sunday (it is wonderful here) and family has been popping around to help us with the unpacking and the settling in...and the helping us eat at restaurants thing.

(us, two days before the move)
At dinner with B's parents, I went over the catering packet prices I have received since I started making calls...number to make your tummy drop. Everyone I have called has given us $14, 500" as the MINIMUM wedding cost. I have stressed our small budget, but no one has really listened. I think these companies believe that we will just ACCEPT the expensiveness of it all. However, we're not willing to go into debt for our wedding. It's SILLY. It's just a party.

As we went over the numbers, Bern's stepfather (Marty) said, "why don't you just have heavy appetizers?" and we stopped. We've been trying the "buffet" thing, but for the sake of an evening wedding and not being tacky, we've been trying to feed everyone a banquet meal. Sadly, we can't afford to do that. Instead, on our invitations, we are going to let everyone know we're just feeding them "heavy hors d'oeuvres". We're going to KEEP IT SIMPLE, STUPID.

There have been a few catering places that have not called me back when they heard my shoe-strings budget. I find that insulting. Not everyone planning a wedding is RICH - and I KNOW city companies want to make money, but still. The idea of THE MILK OF HUMAN KINDNESS in wedding catering should be out there. TEACHERS get married every day, OK? And we don't have doctor budgets, thank you very much. SO. I'm going to call every catering place on that park list (the district gives you 12 choices for caterers) and I'm just going to be very firm about the money situation. My phone calls in the beginning were a bit embarrassed of my small budget and I don't think I got across the importance of AFFORDABLE.

This time, firm K.I.S.S. planning is ON!

what is a wedding?

I'm starting to feel like I don't know how to be a bride. I am suddenly surrounded by friends getting married who just have it more together than I do. Granted, these couples I know are getting married months before Bern and I...is this all I'm down about? The fact that our wedding is 403 days away and I'm still not in that rung of time to start fretting or worrying about the BIG stuff?

In the beginning of planning, I wanted a simple wedding. Then my ideas got more lavish. Then they pared down. Now they just feel - - - empty. I talked with Bernhardt about this and he made me feel better - he says I've been "keeping up with the Jones' and that is getting [me] down". Funny...he's right.

It's amazing how women can compare themselves to others. I've found that I don't like bridal magazines or other "bridey" things because I feel low key, but I also feel this strange pull about a budget. Our budget is small. And I like that's it's small and very DIY...but in the world of weddings, everything out there is so BIG and American...and I start comparing myself to the bride books and to the other weddings going on around me...and then I start feeling like I need to be in step...I need to run to keep up...I don't necessarily need centerpieces for the reception tables...but I start to need more of everything else. I need to be "the best" and it simply shouldn't be about that.

It's time for me to mentally regroup and ask myself this question: What is a wedding?
I believe it is a celebration of love. Pure and simple.
And in that case...all I need is Bernhardt.

Nothing else.

The dress.

[Julie draws my wedding dress at her "Dame Couture"]

The time has come for many things...
For cabbages and...wedding dresses?

This past weekend, Bernhardt and I took a trip to Julie Fehler and Holly Greenhagen's store Dame Couture.
http://www.damecouture.com/

"Our wedding dresses combine retro details with modern lines, for a fresh take on bridal. And if you don’t see exactly what you like on the rack, we’re happy to customize a style or start from scratch. We love to come up with that one detail that makes your dress perfect for you." (Fehler and Greenhagen, About Dame Couture).

PRICE:
"Prices for our styles range from $1,600 to $5,000, with many dresses around $2,200. Custom designs start at $2,000."
SO...it's budget friendly! And think! It's a dress made just for you! Amazing!

As you can tell by the little smirk on Bernhardt's face, we had a fantastic time - I tried on lots of samples, we drank sparkling water, and Julie made us feel...well, happy and special...the way you're SUPPOSED to feel when buying a wedding dress!

How the first fitting works: (my experience)
I really want to go with a vintage inspired theme in my dress...something 50's inspired...something...something...yeah. I think I said "something" a lot, but she was totally cool about it. First, Julie showed Bern and I different samples and fabrics. We picked dresses that had attributes that I fancied. I brought in my own little vintage party dress and showed her the aspects I loved about it. Then, I tried on lots of stuff...seeing myself in all of those different dresses was interesting. Some were totally not flattering and some fit like magic. Bernhardt said he got a little misty and really excited seeing me come out of the dressing room with all of those gowns on.

(me talking about dress stuff...with my elbow)
After I tried on all the dresses, we sat down with Julie and talked about what we all really liked. Julie took everything to heart and made a sketch. We left on a high note...and I've been thinking about things for a few days. I am going back again on May 17th to tweak the idea...but I know we have a winner. I'd post the sketch, but I want it all to be a surprise!

*a note - lots of people think it's bad luck for the groom to have anything to do with the wedding dress before the bride has it on. Granted, I want the final product to be a surprise, but I seriously trust Bernhardt's eye. I wanted him to go to the first fitting because he's my most trusted confidant. Plus, I refuse to believe in bad luck (chainletter people be damned!). But now he has to wait until next year to see the rest of the dress, just like everyone else!

Shout out to Claire!

My dear sweet friends Claire (a bridesmaid) and Greg are ENGAGED!

If you have a glass in hand, please raise it to the best couple in the land!
And read their blogs!

Claire:
http://lifeinla.typepad.com/chicago

Greg:
http://www.gregboose.com/
http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/

Together now:
http://shewrotehewrote.com/

Read for George, please.

Please follow the internet to the following locations...

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/jacketcopy/2008/04/at-his-mid-day.html

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/jacketcopy/2008/04/sympathy-for-al.html

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/jacketcopy/2008/04/eli-horowitz-ma.html

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/jacketcopy/2008/04/unconventional.html


My lovely is a fine writer.

maids on the streets.

*we had a nice night of sushi and talk - we decided J.Crew was totally the way to go for bridesmaid dresses...I WAS sort of hashing the idea of an all vintage wedding, but with having so many people out of town, I think the neat and cleans lines juxtaposed with the idea of an "online buy" is the way to go...

Check out their line here:
www.jcrew.com

Save the Date!

(A make-shift "save the date" that made the "no" pile...alas)
*I would like to announce that Bernhardt is designing our "Save the Date" and wedding invitations - he's the artist in the house, why not?! I get a say so it's all equal (his request), but I am excited that he is the project master. It's sweet and he is really working hard to make the perfect SOMETHING.

We have decided they will all probably be post-cards...saving in paper costs and stamps. Because wedding invitations just get thrown away in the end...might as well be friendly to the pockets...

On another note:
It's time to start the whole "who we want to come to our wedding list" - and it's tough. I made a list the other day and I had around 176 people - and that's just MY family and friends. Jeez! And yet, when I spoke with my mom, she said to probably count most of our family out because they won't be able to travel...which makes me sad because they've traveled for everyone else...but then again, everyone else was within 8 hours driving distance at the farthest point...
but I digress.

How does one whittle down a list? I mean, I KNOW how to do it, I just have a hard time crossing names of people I love...off.

We've decided to have a Georgia reception - that way, I still get to see my extended family (there's a lot of us) and Bern and his family members that are able to attend can see how my life in Georgia was growing up...it's nice...letting them have a glimpse of "Georgia Stace" vs. the usual old "Chicago Stace".

And finally, we have decided to MOVE to Charleston, SC this summer! So Chicago is going to be our destination. Some say it will be hard to plan from far away, but I have a good team of maids on my side.

The moral of the blog: anything is possible when planning a wedding, from post-card invitations to a change of living space, an extra reception, and whatever else is thrown into the mix. Thank god I have a great support system.

Bridesmaids final!

I want to introduce you to the rest of the bridesmaids! I'm so excited to have everyone "in the books" so to speak. I am doing things a little differently and am having some male maids along with my ladies...should I call them "bridesmen"? Hmmmmm.
In alphabetical order:

Laura Baumgardner:

Laura B. has been one of my most special friends since we were...14?! WOW. I was 14 and she was 15 when we met...and now we're totally talking about 30th birthday parties. The years sneak up! Laura is the person that all throughout high school I would say, "when you're in my wedding, you will wear THIS", or, "when we get married, it will be like THIS" - she has endured many a frantic phone call from yours truly and has been the contributor of some of the best times in my life. She can always make things calm and better - and she's a fantastic cook to boot! When I go home to SSI, I always figure out a way to make her cook for me...I'm crafty like that:). She actually has some family in IL so her travels are not so out of the blue come next July - it will be a nice excuse for a Bummy family reunion - especially since her family will be invited!

George Ducker:

Oh George...let me count the ways...uno, dos, tres...
George Ducker is awesome.
Plain and simple.
He is my "hip and fancy" friend.
The thing about George is that you expect him to be intimidating, but he's not. He has a kind of "Rick Schroeder on a cool mission" thing going on, but he is the sweetest and...I could just gush all day. George was a big reason for me moving to Chicago, so Bernhardt should probably thank him for that at our wedding. George was already here going to Columbia College when I decided to get an internship at Steppenwolf. "It can't be all that bad if George lives in the city", I thought...and it was true. We have gotten each other through a lot of stuff - and wherever he goes in life, I'm always going to give him a visit. There will always be strange Christmas cards for George...and he will probably even be in my will (but don't get excited George...you are only inheriting my "Wings" cd collection). I can't wait to see him all dressed up with a hip and fancy little tie on.


James Heslop:

(his first moment in Chicago, 2002)
He-of-slop.
Sloppy.
James and I have had lots of adventures together. We have also shared living spaces by many random occurrences - he lived with me for a spell when I was 21...then he gave me his apartment when we were 22 (summer free sublet - what a guy!) - then I made him move to Chicago when we were 23 and he lived across the hall...and then when I would fight with boyfriends [before Bernhardt] I would sleep on his futon. Consider up siblings. When I met James, I was 18 and I had a crush on him because he was tall, blond, and goofy. We ended up becoming friends through college theatre projects and we soon found out that we were quite a team. We made lots of videos/films/ whatever you want to call it together - we went through all of the Second City's conservatory together...and I can think of no other person that I would rather have by my side on a cool, breezy day in NYC. He is the best person to grab a slice of pizza with...and the best to go do something new and exciting with...I am so glad he will be a part of my wedding.

Jade Yoho:

Jade Yoho is my go-to gabber. She lives 2 blocks away from me and if anything happens that is funny or crazy, I run right to her house with a bottle of wine and we laugh for hours. Jade knows how to make clothing look good...she's the kind of person who could make a paper bag look like a cool dress with the right belt. She's a zoologist, which ultimately makes her the coolest person in the room. I originally met Jade through a friend of Bernhardt's - we ended up hanging out a lot and suddenly became great friends. She was the first really awesome girlfriend I had in Chicago - she was the light at the end of the tunnel when I felt like things here couldn't be more lonely...all of the sudden, I became friends with the coolest girl in the room and now she is in my wedding.

*I want to than everyone for being a part of this. Amy, Claire, George, Jade, James, Laura, and Malissa...you guys rock.

AND YES - 7 is a lot of bridesmaids. BUT it's my wedding and I can do whatever I want:). At least, that's how Bernhardt puts it with a good-natured grin.

We got a BAND!

Another note: I am very excited because we just got our band for next year: Susie Gomez and the Alley Cats!

If you live and Chicago and have never heard Susie, it's time you see her act. Check out her myspace page and listen to her music here:
http://www.myspace.com/susieandthemulticats

She plays at the CA Clipper (on California and Augusta) every other Friday night. Her music is the only music Bernhardt and I dance to...it's special. And I'm SO EXCITED!

A bad bride...

I'm feeling like a bad bride.

"Why?" you ask, leaning forward to hear my every last word...
"Because", I say, putting my head in my hands, "I feel like I have been neglecting my bridesmaids"...

The reason? Stress in my own life.
Finishing grad school and finding a job makes Stacy a very dull girl. Finishing grad school and finding a job makes Stacy a very dull girl. Finishing grad school and finding a job makes Stacy a very dull girl. Finishing grad school and finding a job makes Stacy a very dull girl. Finishing grad school and finding a job makes Stacy a very dull girl. Finishing grad school and finding a job makes Stacy a very dull girl. Finishing grad school and finding a job makes Stacy a very dull girl. Finishing grad school and finding a job makes Stacy a very dull girl...

You get the picture.

I feel like I have asked these wonderful people to be involved in the wedding...and I haven't even SEEN anyone or SPOKEN to a couple of them in...a month? How has this happened? I got the "Real Simple Wedding" book yesterday and was reading about things, my first real moment of peace since final exams for my last class and starting to student teach...and the page "What to do for your bridesmaids" popped up...and alas, I have done nothing except take the ones in town for wine.

What should I do?

I have decided that I am going to either bind (if I have the time) or buy everyone involved moleskin notebooks (if I bind they will be woodsy) with everyone's contact info, pictures, and wedding notes I have so far with important dates, etc...like a "to do" notebook and a place to keep any notes on the wedding. Also "thank you" notes which I haven't done yet (I'm such a DOG) and something else sweet. For the ones out of town...hmmmm...and there are 4 out of town...I will have to do something sweet (a blog coming about the final 4...FYI...one I get their pictures...) -
I know I shouldn't beat myself up about this, I just feel so busy and then I look at my planner and wanna vomit and then I think about my sweet friends and I feel like I need to breathe and get it together.

First fitting...

I just made my first fitting appointment with Dame Couture. They make dresses based on YOU...whatever you want...ever.
If you want to know more, check their website:
http://www.damecouture.com/

I am excited because we have decided to have a vintage themed wedding...so to speak...my dress will be 50's inspired...because that's the style that looks best on me. I'm sick of trying to figure out what tiny J.Crew dress will fit - I'm doing what makes me feel PRETTY! And yay for pretty, right? Because it's a wedding...and those days should be all fun and carefree, not wrought with stress.

Now, I'm looking for unique bridesmaid ideas...I may even have them go vintage in different dresses...ones they adore...
hmmmmm.

I can't wait for next summer!

Questions ANSWERED!

Q) Are tables and chairs included in the cost of the space? How many are there? What are they like?

A) Yes, tables and chairs are included we have 14-6ft rectangular tables, 22-60” round tables and 200 chairs, they are green iron with a black iron trim. You can fit 8 chairs/table.

Q) Do you have any kind of sound system available. We are either hiring a band or plugging in our i-pod at the reception (for music) - what equipment is available?

A) We do not have any sound system available, you would need to bring in your own speakers.

Q) Are all the rooms in the place included in our package? Including the kids' room with slide and the room connected to H.Hall with all the old pictures displayed?

A) Yes, you have rented the entire site.

Q) Do you provide the tent for the outside garden (like in the picture on the website).

A) No, you would need to rent a tent for the patio. We do have a list of providers.

Q) The hours on the agreement are different than we talked about - we discussed having the place from 5pm to 12 am. The form says 4-11. What are the correct hours?

A) The rental timeline is as follows –

4pm-6pm set up

6pm-11pm event

11pm-12am clean up.


Q) Who is cleaning up the space? Is it us? I'm confused about clean-up.

A) The caterer would be responsible for clean up.

Q) When the park closes for the day (and if we have a 5:30 ceremony) how will our guests get inside?

A) The earliest start time would be 6pm. We will have a security guard at the front entrance to reopen the doors.


Well...finally.
Now I know what I should have asked when we started the whole GPC planning:). Ahhhh well...I'm learning, RIGHT? Right...

All of these questions have opened the floodgates to new questions...but that's cool because that means PROGRESS! It also means that it is slowly getting CLOSER! Weeeeeeee!

Not thinking...

This has been the first weekend I haven't been worried or nervous about the wedding...and here I go contradicting myself and writing about it:).

But seriously...I think it's because I had food and wine with my "staff" of bridesmaids and they made me feel good and not worried about planning - it's nice to have friends...a "crew"...whatever you call it...to feel that there are people behind you making you feel smiley. Claire, Jade, Malissa, and yours truly went to Vintage Wine Bar for a rockin' good time.
http://www.vintage-chicago.com/



We took Polaroids of us in "action" and Claire gave me a beautiful scrapbook to put all the planning pictures in...I'm really embracing this girly side of myself and I LIKE it. I've never even considered a wedding scrapbook (even though I am a compulsive archivist) and now I can't wait to paste everything inside and show it off at the reception next year!


Two of the ladies (Malissa and Jade) and I went to a Hula Hoop yoga/dance class this past Friday at Moksha Yoga here in Chicago. For those who live here, check it:
http://www.mokshayoga.com/events/mercedesgomez0208.html

We had SO MUCH FUN hooping, jumping, and dancing...and I've decided to beat these winter blues with more group classes and fun workouts like these. I haven't laughed to hard in ages - in the first class we learned how to limbo and butt-bump the hoop. We celebrated Jade getting a full-time zoo-keeping job (yup, she's a zoologist boys)and giggled and yelled at Chicago's "Old Man Winter". It made me feel happy to be living and getting married here.

Bridal woes...

(me and a large portion of veal)

For some reason, ever since Bernhardt proposed, I have been way too conscious of my weight, chastising myself for gaining the awesome Chicago Winter 10 - picking on myself if I have anything too fatty...and it sucks. It is a horrible thing to feel bad about myself just so I can fit in a stupid dress in a year. It's been making me really take stock in the things that are important to me...and I think I've been acting selfish and mopey because I feel fat. It's so dumb. So I'm not going to worry about my wedding dress anymore or how skinny I am. I'm Stace! I have curves. SO WHAT? Right?

(us, at a gas station in IN, summer 2007)

I had a great talk with Bernhardt and he set me straight when I was feeling really bad...he said the sweetest thing I have ever heard - he said, "Stacy, I wish you could just see the things I see...I think you're beautiful...and I don't think you're fat at all! I think you're so beautiful! And we act as each other's better halves, so...you know...know that I'm right and you are beautiful. Believe it. Live a happy life and don't give yourself a hard time. We have a year to just BE healthier."

(us, dancing at home after a rainstorm, 2006)
So...I'm going to take his advice and chill out. Instead of my butt and my waist, I'm going to be happy and active and rejoice in the fact that I'm marrying someone awesome. Because this selfish "I'm fat" thing is really just bringing me down.

Hidden Costs.

SO. We just got the paperwork for Garfield Park in the mail and there are about $1000 hidden fees! AGH!
I feel so..duped.
So now, over the weekend Bern and I are reading the fine print, coming up with a list of questions, and are going to make an appointment with the conservatory.

They even got the RENTAL HOURS wrong.

Man.
I think everyone goes through this...but still. WHAT A PAIN.

I think the solution is documenting everything - having every last detail in writing so you don't get screwed in the long run.

Bridesmaids so far...

I'm doing the picking and asking thing VERY...S-L-O-W-L-Y...
and everyone I ask, I want it special...a special and personal request.
So far I have:

Malissa as my Matron of Honor:

(Missile and I...hobo party...she will kill me when she sees this eyepatch pic up)

She's...well...she's my lady. I spend all my time with her, we do fun things together, she knows my taste, I know her sense of direction and style, and we're honest with each other.

I asked her to be my MOH in my car. We were on our way to the suburbs on a girl's day out. I was nervous to ask...I had been planning and plotting. I wanted to surprise her with a trip to the spa, but the timing had not worked out. SO. I took her on a quest for retail therapy and on the way, I said "I have a surprise. Do you want it now or later?" and she said, "Now!" and I said, "Uh, I'm not good at getting very emotional with stuff...I mean, I WILL, but I feel dorky if I cry, so...ahhh...will you be my matron of honor" and she was so happy! And then we went and I bought us shirts with some store credit I had at Anthropologie (so ghetto I am...but we had fun). They are now our Matron of Honor shirts.

Malissa is in charge of all things happening in Chicago.

THEN, I asked Claire to be a bridesmaid.

Claire and I are fairly new friends, but I can't imagine getting married without her by my side. She's been a friend of both Bern and I - she hosted the party after which we were engaged. She's sooooo awesome...and we're both excitable about the same things. I can go to Claire's house with pockets full of dirt and she will have some fabulous glass to put it in and some amazing adjective to describe it with...and if that scenerio would actually happen, I know it would be, like, the BESTDAYEVER.


[claire in the summer...2007]

I went to Claire's house with a bottle of $10 wine and a pencil I bought her from the Garfield Park Conservatory. It was all I could afford. So sad, but there's something sweet about giving someone a pencil...right? I presented her with the wine and as she was about to throw the paper bag it came in away, I said, "OH! Claire! I have a pressy for you in there!" and she pulled out the pencil with this goofy puzzled grin...and then I began my speech:

"Listen, Claire, I wanted to come here today to ask you to be my bridesmaid"...and it went on and on...I get really excited about things...so I was talking all over myself...and she was smiling and said she was honored and I was SOOOO happy. If Claire's involved in anything, one knows it will be done up right.

Claire is in charge of making things classy in Chicago.
And also...she has to make spinach puffs one time at a bridal get-together. The one at my house. With just me and her...me in bed with a huge table cloth on as a bib...and Claire cooking and then spooning her spinach puffs into my mouth.

And last, but certainly not least, I got a Maid of Honor two days ago.

My best friend from College of Charleston, Miss Amy Kisabeth (the kiss of DEATH) - she's still IN Charleston, so this whole "PERSONAL" thing was tricky...BUT her boyfriend Ben helped me out. I emailed Ben a picture of us and a card explaining why I loved her and why I can't get married without her next to me...because she's my Amy and we've always been connected at the hip and we love each other. She's my Charleston! So Ben took her out to dinner and after they ate, he presented her with my picture and card. Amy said he was being very serious and said something like, "I have something for you...and I don't really know how to ask, so I guess I'll just ask..." (I laughed and asked her if she thought he was going to propose at that moment)...and he gave her the stuff and she laughed and said "yes" and then called me after dinner and we talked forEVER about stuff...life stuff...and she also said she was excited and honored...

Amy is in charge of all things Southern.

I feel like I have a great team so far!
There's more to come!

*Oh, and PS - all of my maidens are class act! Malissa bought me a bridal book and a magazine and is planning a shower, Claire sent me a formal "thank you note" for my asking her (you're too sweet)and is already talking about cool things to de (and experiences from weddings past), and Amy is already on top of helping me with a shower. You guys ROCK!

Catering.

My Matron of Honor Malissa and I have a project called PerPerson (see the other blog linked to my profile). With PerPerson, we have huge parties and cater them for, like, NOTHING per person. The food you see above was a whopping $50 total.

You can imagine my surprise when today I began checking out catering websites for the companies that work with the GPC. Oh - - - my - - - GOD. OHMYGOD. I did some calculations from samples and we are going to be paying $10,000 or MORE on food and bar.

Somebody help me.
I just
fell out

of my chair.

Wood-free invitations.

I have decided to go for wood-free invitations. This morning, I have been checking out these sites:

http://www.botanicalpaperworks.com/wedding-favors-and-invitations_2.php

http://www.twistedlimbpaper.com/predesigned_invitations.htm

http://www.invitesite.com/

http://www.aisledash.com/

I sent them all requests for samples...let's see how it works out!

Photobooth rentals.

(our first anniversary, the night I let Bernhardt know we were getting our dog Belvedere)

I am looking into renting a photobooth for our wedding because:
1) I love photobooths
and
2) Everyone loves photobooths - they're fun!

I have contacted this website:
http://www.photo-me.com/index.php

They are going to get back with me! YAY for black and white photobooths!!!!!!

Asking for money...

Today Bern and I went on a date to the conservatory where we will be married. We walked around, sat on a bench, and talked about wedding stuff for about an hour. It felt nice in their climate controlled environment...we were in the desert room...and the air was cool and the sun was so bright...I swear, Garfield Park has become our litle haven for dreaming on cold winter days.

While chatting, we discussed the whole idea of registering. I honestly would LOVE to register at the antique mart - they said they would help us out - but the more we think about STUFF, the less we think we NEED.

We just want to buy a house.
Just a little peace of earth.

Which means we need to ask for money in the nicest way possible...
but how does one ASK?

This is a nice little blurb about the etiquette of asking for money as a wedding gift:
http://www.ourmarriage.com/html/asking_for_money.html

It doesn't answer ALL of my questions, but solves the whole "tacky asking" kind of method.

bridesmaid advice.

Bernhardt's Aunt Bobbie told him that when you pick bridesmaids, you pick people you know you will be friends with in 10 years.

I like that.

WE GOT A LOCATION!

(Garfield Park Conservatory, Chicago IL)

I fell in love with Garfield Park Conservatory a long time ago...and since my favorite color is green, the other day it HIT me! How awesome would it be to get married surrounded by plants that I DON'T have to pay for (technically they come with the rental space! ROCK)?! Bernhardt was out of town, so I went with Jeff (instead of jogging...woops?) to the park and we ooooh'ed and ahhhh'ed over how wonderful and green it was.


(where we will probably have the wedding ceremony, in the outside gardens)

I spoke with the event planner and the price was right but we had to jump on a date (brides have already stepped up for June 2009). I got really nervous because I wanted it, but didn't want to rush Bern. SO. I asked a ton of questions, put down a refundable deposit on two weekends in July, and worried about how I would tell Bern. My friend Evan had an excellent idea about the wording - and this is great for anyone like me who is a control/organization freak (and I told this to B) - "This town is full of crazy brides. I'm not the crazy one, but I am COMPETING with crazies and I have to amp up my game in grabbing us a location in the city"...
Of course, I wasn't going to force a location (hence the REFUNDABLE deposit) but I was going to stand up for what I wanted.

When Bernhardt got back to town, I told him I was taking him on a date Saturday afternoon. As soon as we walked up to the GFC, he looked at me and said, "We should get married here!". I breathed a SIGH of relief and said, "Ohhhh, good, I'm so glad you said that because I already put down a deposit so when do you want to get married...", me talking a mile a minute, he laughing and hugging me.

His response: "Stacy, slow down! Tell me everything slowly!".


(where our reception will be)

We walked around beaming...the place is so US, it's perfect. He also told me he was happy I was so excited and that he was excited too - and NOW, we can't stop planning. It's great! For me, having a space nailed down has calmed me down - and for Bernhardt, having the space has made the idea of getting married come to life ["it's a reality now that we're paying for it and that's great!"]...it's as though we had to allow ourselves to get used to the idea of planning a wedding together.

Moral of the story? Don't be afraid to make decisions and speak up for what you want, just make sure your approach is right and your deposits are refundable. You can't FORCE people to do what you want...but you sure can plead a case!

crazy.

My fiance thinks I am going a little crazy with all of the research and planning...and although I understand his concern, I am honestly no bridezilla. The location is just the THING you have to get secured in a city like Chicago...most places have waiting lists 2 YEARS in advance for spaces. We have 1 1/2 years...and I FOUND the spot I want to have it all in...it's well-priced, easy, beautiful...and now I'm scared to tell my fiance. I don't want him to think I'm totally bonkers for putting a deposit on it in January! BUT June of 2009 is ALREADY BOOKED...and Saturday's are going FAST.

SO, I'm going to take a deep breath and state my case tonight. Or tomorrow.

Foo.

How to plan a cheap wedding.

(mood lighting on the cheap)

I was looking for stuff online and found this article:
http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Plan-a-Cheap-Wedding&id=16735

It's fantastic! It is by a woman named Claire Bowes who has a wedding planning online site:
http://www.weddings.start-home-based-business-ideas.com/

We'll see about that one later...
however, the first article has me very inspired...
I've been looking at catering and my jaw has been dropping...$185 a plate at the Allerton!

(a cheap meal of carrots)

It costs $5000 to rent the Newberry Library.
On national average, I hear it costs $25,000 to have a wedding these days!
It's CRAZY how expensive being alive is!!!

However, Chicago is also a great place to get married...it's a nice, central location for our families. We have two airports. Hotels. Apartments. Friends.
It is also the place where Bernhardt and Stacy (moi) fell in love.

(keepin' the romance alive, 2007)

All of this destination shopping without a list is futile. In order to begin the planning, we need to know how many people we will be inviting...let the list begin!

Exercising, day one.

So, today I went running with Jeff.
I thought - - - I was going - - - to die. Possibly.
Hmmmmm.

I have never been a runner, but I WANT to be. After the torture, I felt WONDERFUL.

Moral of the story? Just get out there and try! I went almost 30 minutes today - we are going again this Friday - I'm going to try 35 minutes on Friday! The meantime? Gym fun - swimming and things that are fun, like classes that strike my fancy.

AND for motivation, I got a polarized heart monitor - its a strap and a watch - you wear both (strap around chest and watch on wrist) and it tells you how many calories you burn and let's you know when you're in your zone - burning lots of calories makes the work...more fun? Yeah! More fun!

I can't wait to look great in a wedding dress!

Matron of Honor...

(my friends Chris and Emily and their wedding party)

I have made only one decision for the time being about the whole bridal side/maid thing: I have asked my dear friend Malissa to be my "Matron of Honor" and she said YES! We celebrated by going somewhere out of our element - the MALL. We got lost on the way to the burbs and giggled our way to Anthropologie, Urban Outfitters, and DELIAH's! (a walk down memory lane...because seriously, we felt old in there!) - we also splurged on Aveda things. Retail therapy felt good. We drove home munching on Twizzlers - it was one of those days where being a girl was the best thing on Earth!

We had some nice talks regarding the wedding - both Bern and I are having trouble deciding who to be groomsmen and bridesmaids. Is it a practical decision? There's a lot of work involved in the "honor". Is it partially heart and partially who SHOULD be there? Do people even WANT to be in the bridal party? Will anyone get their feelings hurt? How many is too many? It seems like the most exciting yet daunting task - and I feel torn - I mean, I can't pick everyone I know to stand up there with me...but I want to...


(my friend Adam dances with his bride and her bridesmaids at their wedding)

When I was younger, I always thought of bridesmaid picking as kind of a popularity contest - like, if so-and-so is your favorite person ever, you pick them. That was before I was engaged. Now I realize, in the land of friendship, at least for me, it's impossible to pick favorites. We have those we call our "best friends" - these are the people that are friends forever...but I find my dearest friends are scattered across the US - and the kind of work that being a bridesmaid entails might not be practical for those I want to ask. They may just want to fly to Chicago and be duty free...

So...since this is totally tough, I have decided to wait until June to make the bridesmaid call. That's plenty of time to just CHILL.

Great planning websites...so far...

http://ourmarriage.com/html/save-the-date.html

http://www.weddinggazette.com/content/004572.shtml

http://www.marthastewart.com/weddings?lnc=8b99cf380e1dd010VgnVCM1000005b09a00aRCRD&rsc=breadcrumb_weddings

Where...

oh where...
oh where on EARTH are we going to get married?

Jeff is awesome.

My friend Jeff has offered his assistance in helping me get into some cardio fitness routine...basically, I just need someone to help me get with it and get interested because I think working out is totally boring. I love how I feel AFTER, but before and during, I feel a sense of dread that is comparable to that time I was waiting to take the SAT and I felt bloated...but imagine that EVERY TIME you step on a StairMaster.

Jeff is a personal trainer - he is vegan and trains people who have the vegan/vegetarian way of life - he is strong and smart and has agreed to help me even though I eat meat:). He's a true fitness guru - he wants to see me succeed and get my act together on the health front - that's a true friend who will help a young lady like that. He is being a real friend by being my workout partner for the next few weeks. I owe him a lot for his assistance.

My point?
Workout partners ROCK and motivate you to get your act together. If you have a better income than yours truly, getting a personal trainer can be worth it, just do your research and try not to go through a gym system...that's just TOO expensive. People know people and can give referrals. Jeff is the perfect trainer to hire because he believes in what he does and he LIVES it. If you live in the Chicago area, find him on myspace here:
the url is www.myspace.com/FxTxPxTx
and he is the founder of Follow Through Personal Training.

Summer...

My foot, walking on my street, last summer...

We've decided the summer after next would be a nice time to have a wedding - that way I'll have my career in check (I finish grad school and will have finished my first year teaching at this point) and the summer will be MINE ALL MINE (demonic laugh insert here)...

I'm nervous about it. That means the real planning starts this upcoming June. Which means a budget shift on our part...more money faster...etc. SO - I've started thinking about ways to save money NOW.

1) PerPerson Engagement Party - if you don't know me, check my other blog (see my profile...it's the only other blog listed) - what we (my partner Malissa and I) do is have nice big parties for not a lot of money - the last party we had was a Hobo-Chili party - we made enough food to feed 24 for $38 - that's $1.58 per person (get it?). I want to have a super cheap but large engagement party - the budget will be a bit larger than usual...because I want to have drinks...but I know we can do it.

2) Friend favors - what artsy friends do I have and what kind of favors can I pull? I'm thinking "do me this favor and don't worry about a courtesy wedding gift" kind of thing...we know lots of creative people. I'm keeping this one open...

3) Gift after reception - I got all over-excited and thought a cool thing for a wedding reception could be to rent a photobooth...I'm all over it...as an option...guests could take a photo for our wedding book and leave with one of them? That beats chocolate with our names on them...
although my friends Malissa and Jeff gave people pears at their wedding...and that was AMAZING - wow, stream-of-consciousness here...so much in my brain...
Produce is good.
Another friend had bottled water as their gift:

It was fantastic to have during the ride home...

4) Wedding dress: Malissa told me a cool place (I heard her say "Damn Couture" but I know it was something classy...what was it?). J.Crew has a nice affordable wedding collection...and indiebride.com has a nice section where people sell their dresses. I want to spend $800 or less on my dress.

And last but not least...
5) Who to invite? This helps the food budget. The list starts now...and man, oh man, I want to invite EVERYONE! Why not, right?

I will leave you with a picture from Malissa and Jeff's wedding in 2005 -
A Motley Crew:

www.sparkpeople.com

One great way to add cardio to your life:

DANCE WITH YOUR FRIENDS WHENEVER POSSIBLE!

I've decided that in 2 years, I'd like to lose 18 pounds. This is totally feasible and has nothing to do with a bad body image or anything. I like me. I like my figure. However, sometimes I don't feel very healthy and I KNOW my size needs less weight...plus, I've got dainty bones...or something like that - I got a massage over Christmas and I was told "dainty bones"...so, er, a-yes...I'm shedding some L-B's to make life more comfy for my dainty bones:). Plus, I want to look AMAZING at my wedding...I won't lie...but I want to do it the right way.

How am I going to get to 118? Well...I love food...but I could stand to make smarter choices. And working out makes me feel good. SO. I'm going to just...you know...work out but not kill myself and eat for healthy feelings and good skin. I've got 2 YEARS to figure out what works for me. Most people do it in much less time.

I registered at www.sparkpeople.com, which is a really awesome sight that lets you track calories and fitness. It's been really helpful to look at what I consume...OH, and it's FREE! Weeeeeeee! It also has lots of articles that are motivating.

Note: I am not a cheesy or obsessive dieter AT ALL. I don't like limiting things. If you want to diet without giving up too much of your life, this is a fantastic way to go (I think). That and BELIEVING you can do it. Because without the belief nothing will happen.

Engaged!

As of January 1, 2008 I am engaged.



Wow.
Head rush.
Heart flutter.

I'm a wedding person in disguise. I am. I love going to them and I have always had the idea of marrying the perfect person in my mind. Now that I have FOUND the perfect man, I have no idea about what kind of wedding I want...never mind the "I" - WE have no clue!

We're 2 children of the 80's meaning we have 4 sets of parents and 10 grandparents - we have endless amounts of half-siblings, cousins, stepsisters and stepbrothers, aunts, uncles...you get the picture. We have a lot of friends. Basically, it's going to be a huge wedding - - - which means we need a nice big place to house them all and lots of food. That's as far as we've gotten so far! It's great and fantastic and totally overwhelming all at once.

I am feminine but not girly. I hate pink. Roses are cliche. I don't enjoy ribbons. Yet I consider my tastes vintage. My fiance is modern and simple. He loves efficiency. We both hate stress, chaos, and being out of control. I believe our goals are similar, but they're not defined...yet...

We have set a 2 year goal - both my fiance and I are not established in our careers - I am finishing up grad school this year and I HOPE I find a job!!! My fiance (wowowow!) may be going back to school when I finish up...which means slow saving and picking smart options all around...

I know we can do this in a totally civilized, smart, stress-free manner...and I have decided to document the process blogging about what we learn as we go - how to make decisions together, not bump heads, and make our families happy all while planning a wedding that we actually want to participate in - because we're a low key couple...we just love each other with or without a wedding.

More to come! Suggestions are welcome!